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Lily
15 August 2007 @ 03:39 pm

God, what a cheesy title. Anyway, yesterday as I was talking to my boyfriend on MSN I realised what I hate most about myself. It's not my wide hips, chubby arms or cellulite as Glamour, Hello, Heat et. al. would like, but it is my insistence on moaning to said boyfriend about my wide hips, chubby arms or cellulite. Why do young women do this to themselves? It seems to me that no matter what we look like, we'll  never be good enough in our own eyes or the eyes of the bitchy, misogynistic women's magazine genre. Unless one day we wake up looking like Jessica Biel/Alba, we must hate ourselves and spend every waking minute attempting to shed that last few pounds or tone those abs or get the perfect complexion.

And for what? I am a healthy UK size 10 (I gather from the label in my Gap jeans, this is a US 6), I study a subject I adore at one of the best universities in the country, I have a boyfriend who thinks I'm perfect just the way I am, a wonderful family, fantastic friends and my biggest problem right now is how bad I am at cases in German. So what if my thighs wobble a bit? What the hell is so wrong with me that I keep on whining about it?

I know it's a cliche discussion topic, but any thoughts?    

I've decided to start writing some journal entries in German to help me improve. I think for now I'm going to keep them private but when I'm a bit more confident, I'll make them public :/ I'm only writing that here so I do stick with the plan!

 
 
mood: frustrated
music: none
 
 
Lily
09 August 2007 @ 10:24 am

I am alive, honestly! Some things happened that meant I didn't have time to update my journal but now I'm back. The first thing was, I got a job. It was fantastic too, I loved every minute of it (but I'll explain more about that once I'm done justifying my month long disappearance). Second, my dumbass of a boyfriend ended up in hospital after a drugs overdose. I realise that makes him sound like a complete waster but honestly he's not, it was just one stupid mistake - and God knows, not a mistake he'll be making again any time soon.

[/ justification]

Anyway, my job. For the past month, I've been working as an Activity Organiser at a language school. Teenagers from all over the world come to the school to learn English, and my job was to help plan and execute all of their extracurricular activities. We went on daytrips shopping to London, we played sport in the park, we had BBQs, we went to the beach, generally it was a fab time. Because people tended to stay for only a week or two at a time, it meant I got to meet hundreds of kids from all sorts of places - France, Portugal, Italy, Spain, Israel, Russia, China, Japan, Brazil and so on. That was the best part. It certainly made me realise a lot about people and human nature. Although yes, there are regional differences between people, cultures, traditions and lifestyle, and although goverments may make decisions possibly deemed as 'bad' in the name of their peoples, we're all humans together and we all feel the same emotions. We just express them in different ways. Soppy I know, but I just had to write about it. Permission to be sick granted.

It's made me really motivated to learn new languages as well. My boss spoke English, French, Italian and Swahili and two of my colleagues spoke English, French, Italian, Spanish and are learning Chinese! What do I have? English and a vague grasp of German. Hardly impressive. So I've been really giving my German a good go and I've decided I also want to learn some French, Chinese and definitely Arabic. Obviously it's a big ask but if I put my mind to it, I'll sure I'll manage some of one language on the list! 

So yeah... that's a summary of my summer so far. I still have two months until I go back to university but it feels like it's nearly over. For the rest of it, I think I'll just kick back and relax, safe in the knowledge my time off hasn't been a total waste. Although in a week or so, expect an LJ posting whining about how bored I am again :/  

Oh yeah, and if they even remember me I've added all the people that added me whilst I was away :)
    

Tags:
 
 
location: home!
mood: happy
music: BBC News 24, as always
 
 
Lily
09 July 2007 @ 03:03 pm
So I didn't get that job at the kids camp. I was pretty upset at the time, considering I'd been told it was 75% certain that I had it but at least the children of South West England can breath a sigh of relief knowing that they won't be put into my shoddy care. 

I'm sat here with a piece of paper covered in phone numbers, trying to drum up the courage to call some people and enquire about work experience. I'm so sick of doing nothing with my summer breaks - everyone else seems to do something interesting and/or productive whilst I sit on my arse wondering why I've got nothing to do. For example, one of my housemates has been travelling in Vietnam, worked in a French Centre Parcs, worked at a French kids camp and will be spending the next year living in Paris. My ex boyfriend went travelling in the USA last summer, and in Eastern Europe the year before. And my current boyfriend has a full-time job and will earn about £2000 to fund more travelling after last year's trip to South America!  What about my record? Well last year I worked in a clothes shop for a couple of months. And the year before I worked in a clothes shop for a couple of months. All well and good if I want a career in fashion retail but frankly, I do not.        

I just seem to have a fear of really putting myself out there and finding something interesting and worthwhile to do. My friends that have amazing lives (and consequently, CVs) go out and get it for themselves but I can't even bring myself to pick up the phone. 

Wish me luck :/
Tags:
 
 
location: home again
mood: scared
music: none
 
 
Lily
05 July 2007 @ 02:23 pm
I love that word, huzzah. I'd never seriously say it, but I just love that bit in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl where Elizabeth's dad comes out of hiding when the pirates are beaten on his ship and he joins in the cries of 'huzzah'.

Moving on from that random outburst, I'm feeling much better! Thanks to everyone who left sweet comments, they really cheered me up. I've only got a bit of a cough now but as long as I keep a watch on my asthma I'll be fine. And although it doesn't look like I'll get a job at my mum's (thank God!), I applied for a summer job working at a kids camp a few weeks ago and apparently I'll find out whether I got it either tomorrow or Saturday. I really hope I do get it as it sounds like fun, but honestly, if you knew how bad I am with children, you'd probably think it best for their own well-being if I didn't! 

Anyway, I was flicking through my favourite newspaper this morning, the Sun (ho ho) when I came across an article about Prime Minister Gordon Brown - that still doesn't sound right! - and his campaign to get all public buildings to fly the Union flag to show all the nasty terrorists that they won't beat us and 'Our Brave Boys' in Iraq and Afghanistan. Okay, so I made that last bit up but they do usually chuck some reference to 'Our Boys' in any and all articles, so it's not completely out of the blue. I take issue with this campaign, surprise surprise. Don't get me wrong, I do not sympathise with terrorists or condone their actions. I think killing people in such a way (or any way, for that matter) is deplorable and shouldn't be tolerated. However, I can't help but feel this is a bad way to handle the situation. First of all, such an explicit reaction only shows that their actions have been noticed and have affected us in some way. Doesn't that just feed them? It's what they want: recognition. 

Second, a display of 'Britishness' and extreme patriotism only leads the way to more extreme nationalism. I wrote a second semester essay on nationalism not long ago, and one thing I took away from it is how destructive a force it can be for international relations and even intra-national relations. Essentially we're saying that we're different to other nations because of our 'Britishness' , and thus those in Britain that are not British are not included. That may well be true, I don't know, but why should it be? Our world today is so fractured anyway without us waving flags and shouting about how "great" it is to be from the UK. Surely, in the interests of world harmony, a better approach would be to focus on our common humanity and membership of the human race? We're all people, and place of birth does not make one person inherently better or more worthy than another. I'm not saying we should be ashamed to be British or to have a national identity, but I do think a better approach would be to quietly acknowledge it whilst working to heal the rifts between nations that, at their very core, are really not that different anyway.

Finally, the cynic in me can't help but accuse Gordon Brown of taking advantage of the situation by trying to round up the masses and get them on his side at this eary point in his premiership. It's somewhat understandable, granted, but I'd find it much easier to take Brown seriously if he did this based on solid policies that change Britain for the better, rather than flag-waving and back-patting because we're British. 

[/ rant]

Anyway, I got my haircut yesterday. I'm really up and down with it - sometimes I love it, other times I think it makes me look like a 12 year old boy with unnaturally large breasts. Does anyone have any styling tips for a cut just below the chin?!
 
 
location: home, as usual
mood: bouncy
music: um.. BBC News 24 again!
 
 
Lily
03 July 2007 @ 03:50 pm
I am so bored. I am so ridiculously bored that I have spent today wandering aimlessly around my house, and watching TV shows like Loose Women and BBC News 24. Why is this? It's because I am ill, and I have no real friends at home anymore. This university lark is weird, for eight months of the year my life is there, with my boyfriend, my studies, my work, my friends and everything. Then every summer I'm thrown back into a sort of limbo, where the only things I have to look forward to are lunch at Gran's and a workout session with my dad. 

Ho hum. I'm hoping, hoping, to get a job soon. Mum says she can fix me up with something in her office but I can't decide what's worse: endless mindnumbing data input, or endless repeats of Ricki Lake?    

This has been a bit of a pointless post but despite my utter boredom, my illness has sapped me of any energy and I can't be arsed to write anything else!
 
 
location: home
mood: sick
music: none - BBC News 24
 
 
 
 

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